Getting In My Own Way

I did it again.  I was moving along so nicely. Steady and calm.  I was clear about my daily goals.  Studying for my Keto health coach certification for three hours. Check!  Taking care of my daughters, including driving them around from place to place.  Check!  Walking Poppy and not just a half assed walk…a substantial hike.  Check!  Anything my husband needs from me.  Check!  Connecting throughout the day with my Keto Club.  Check!  So how did the hell did I get seduced off my path?  I’ll tell you how, money!

Here’s my embarrassing story.  I bake ketogenic goods.  Yummy ones.  I enjoy making them for my friends and family, well, my husband.  My daughters, 15 year old twins, eat the food that looks like regular food.  The minute I create something that is  obviously Keto, they frown, balk, wince and make some snarky comment.  They hate it before they even taste it.  Whatever… age appropriate, I suppose.   Okay, back to my story and I’ll make it short.  I got it in my head (actually Melanie, my pal put it there) that I should bake for the local farmers market in Katonah, NY.  The next day I am on the phone with the woman who is in charge of all of the farmers markets in Westchester.  She loved the idea of Keto baked goods, thought it could be a hit.  No one is doing it, she told me.   That’s when it happened.  I pictured myself at the beatific farmers market on a Saturday morning, crowds of interested people inquiring, “What is this Keto thing all about?” ” What? No sugar? Low carb bread, are you kidding?” ” I can lose weight eating pizza?”! “I need to buy 30 loaves right now, oh, and add 50 Keto brownie bites too”!  Next I pictured myself cooking full time in my kitchen, having helpers, and creating packaging.   I even went so far down the road that I imagined what my shipment trucks would look like.  Back in real life, I made phone calls to the city and inquired about insurance, home kitchen regulations, professional/industrial kitchens. I even found a church with a kitchen I could use.  Reality came down hard.  The hoops I’d have to jump through, the money I would have to put down, the stress, the irritation and the deadlines!  What the f’ am I doing?  How did I get here?  I just want to help people with their health, not start an empire…

I got up the next morning and went for a walk with Poppy.  I was confused, drained and paralyzed. I called my friend, Dana.  I told her about my story.  With a few words, she brought me back to myself.  I was reined in.  My delusions gone, my stress disappeared.  In lieu of an empire, we came up with small and joyful ideas for me.  Breadcrumb steps.

I had been there before.  Many times.  Starting with something I’m passionate about and then taking some detour that ultimately made me quit everything.  In hindsight, it almost seems like I do it to myself on purpose.  A form of sabotage.  Thankfully, in this case, I caught it in the early stages.

I love my path so much.  I’m connecting with the greatest people and reconnecting with inspiring old friends.  All of this is happening organically, not forced. The journey has a mind of it’s own.  I just need to let go of the wheel, and get out of the way and trust!

 

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My amazing husband, Jeff and Poppy…yes, they both eat Keto

 

2 thoughts on “Getting In My Own Way

  1. I completely understand and find myself in those spaces as a recovering “all or nothing overcreator”. Bite size pieces are best these days for me. They feel good, taste good and don’t overfill my plate. Oh what a journey we live! Keep sharing beautiful friend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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